Thankful Days 2-5

"And it came to pass" is probably one of the most common phrases in scripture. In fact, it appears 1523 times throughout the 4 canonical texts. I believe there is reason for the repetition. What a blessing it is that some things "come to pass" rather than "come to stay"

This week so far has been tough. On Monday, while driving early in the morning, Lisa hit a deer. It was a total loss to our van, but a total miracle for Lisa. Although the airbags didn't deploy, she was completely unharmed. She had mentioned that it felt like something was stopping her from hitting the dashboard. I am thankful for angels that saved my angel wife. Angels look out for each other I suppose.

We've had to deal with adult things the last few days, such as: insurance, claims, damage reports, costs, dealerships, APR financing, down payments, credit scores and other stressful things. But throughout it all, the stress and worry "comes to pass". The Lord's hand is seen in it all, giving, taking, molding, making, and never forsaking. I have never felt so at peace with so many things that could be so negative. I am thankful for that calm reassurance that things will work out.

Our family scripture has been on my mind a lot. It is D&C 90:24--

"Search diligently , pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another." 

At one point Lisa said thoughtfully, "We had been going to the temple, and good things were happening, and then this." Which prompted the thought, That is why it is happening. We know we are on the right path because it is uphill. The climb of mortality is always a climb, but at least we are moving to the top. The Spirit is kind to give gentle reminders that help things easier "come to pass". I am thankful for that.

These last few days have been a whirlwind for our little family. It has required trust, and patience from us in the Lord. It has affected finances, been the subject of thoughts and prayers, but it has been a blessings. It reminds me of a quote from Shakespeare's Othello: “How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?" Some things take time, but wounds always heal, things "come to pass", and it will always "work together for [our] good" when we do what we should.

A few more, for Mace

Macey is really good at tracking down my camera. She is also really tall, and she can now officially reach all the heights and surfaces in my bedroom. So before I hide my camera really, really well, I thought I would post a couple more pictures she took, just for Mace. :)

Thankful, Day 1

Macey: Today, Macey was her spunky self today. At church, we practiced the Primary Program during church classes today. I was in charge of the program this year, so I got to be around her during the practice. When it came time for her to go to the microphone, I was ready to help her with her part (like I had the other kids). I was worried she might try to test her volume in the microphone, but she was all about business! She walked right up and said, "Heavenly Father. The Holy Ghost. Jesus Christ. Mom, what else can I say?" I laughed and then helped her through her part; "Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer." When she says "Redeemer", though, it sounds like "re-dinger". It's too cute to try and correct!

Cooper: Cooper is my ball of energy! He has sure become defiant lately (or starting to push buttons). Today he pushed many buttons and tested many boundaries, but he did it in his sweet, loving Cooper day. At church, in nursery, they decorated cookies. Cooper told us all about it at dinner. They even had frosting and sprinkles!) The nursery workers said that Cooper came right up to them and showed them his cookie. Before they could even get out the "ooooss" and "ahhs" Cooper had eaten half of his cookie--he doesn't mess around.

Then tonight when getting ready for bed and going to bed, he always comes right up to me and snuggles up. He is the only kids that really snuggles with me, and I love it! Moms need snuggles too!

Jemma: When you talk about sass, you talk about Jemma--she is the epitome of sassiness!! Her dad had her all through church today, and she let him know when she didn't like something or when she was going to do something else. She has this furrowed looks she gets in her eyebrow, and she screams "NO!". It's pretty cute, but I know it won't be in about a year! If you call her out on it, and give her "the look" back, she will bust up giggling. She did that from sun up to sun down today!! There were a lot of furrows and a lot of giggles. Love that sassy girl!

Dear Jemma

Dear Jemma,

It's late. Today has been an especially hard day on me! Sometimes I wonder if I bring hard days on myself, but I guess I'll never know. Hard days make us better people, but, to be perfectly honest, I don't feel better right now. Maybe it's one of those things you have to see in the long-run. Most things happen that way.

You had a hard time going to sleep tonight. After a series of long events, at 10:00, you were staring up at me. You were laying in my arms, and I think you were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! Your big blue eyes, and your incredibly pouty lips. You didn't smile or scowl, you just looked at me--as if you could see right through me--see exactly what was going on in my mind and heart. I think babies are incredibly special and extremely close to the spirit. So, who knows? Maybe you did.

As I laid you down, wide awake, you didn't cry out--didn't even make a peep. You were just so peaceful.

Piles of dinner dishes waiting to be done, floors to be slept, toys to be picked up, one load of laundry in the washer, one in the dryer, and one still waiting to go in. There were piles of folded clean clothes that covered my bed. Sewing stuff covering my bedroom (as Santa's elf works diligently sewing princess dresses and superhero capes). Bath time messes that needed to be picked up.

But wide awake, you still let me lay you down. It's as if you knew that I needed my two hands to do everything else, and so you let me put you down.

I washed dishes and cleaned up the kitchen area, and your dad did the rest. I sneaked into your room when I was done, and I saw that perfect girl, asleep. You still looked so incredibly peaceful. I wanted to cover you with kisses and snuggle you close to my chest, but you need sleep...and so does this incredibly tired mom.

For tonight and always: thank you for teaching me understanding. Thank you for listening to my heart, even though no words were spoken. Thank you for showing me such love, because this incredibly tired-sometimes cranky mom sure needed you today.

I love you,
Mom

Jemma's Heart, Lisa

At my 38 week appointment, I had an ultrasound done to measure the size of Jemma. They wanted to see how big she would be, and if induction was needed. She ended up only be 8 pounds 6 ounces, but I am so glad they induced me early!

The ultrasound technician didn't act like she found any problems during the ultrasound, but looking back, she spent a lot of time looking at Jemma's heart. I went to visit my physician later that week, and in the casual way that he presents things, he said, "Oh, and they found an abnormality in her heart." When further questioned, he didn't know what it was named, and he could only semi-explain what it was. I was confused, and I couldn't even research to see what it was. I left in semi-panic.

I was able to pull together my thoughts and feelings on the way home and once home, tell Scott about the appointment. (He stayed home with the kids.)  At that point, I felt such incredible peace. However, we soon switched roles, and Scott was extremely worried for about 24 hours. After prayer, we both felt really at peace, and we didn't feel the need to be concerned. In blessings, I was reassured repeatedly that Jemma was healthy and to be at peace.

Just as a precaution, we were told that Jemma would need an echo cardiogram after she was born. Our hospital wasn't equipped for tiny infants, so we needed to travel north for that appointment.

Jemma was born. Her heart rate through labor was steady. As I was pushing her out, her heart rate did dip dangerously low, and so we made sure she came out rather quickly. She was born, and after the doctor and respiratory therapist looking her over, they determined she had an APGAR score of a 9 or 10. Practically perfect. (Not the typical score of someone with a heart problem.)

However, we scheduled the appointment with a pediatric cardiologist in Provo. He was going out of town with his family the week after Jemma was born. He wouldn't be in the office until she was 3 weeks old. He looked at her ultrasounds, and he didn't think we needed immediate attention. So, we waited.

Waiting bites.

Our families prayed. We prayed. Everyone in our little family prayed for Jemma's heart. We never felt worried or concerned. Both of our parents even commented to us that they didn't feel like anything was wrong. It was difficult not to know for certain, though. Perhaps I need more faith.

We went this last week to the pediatric cardiologist. We learned that they were concerned she had a thickened Trabecular Valve on the right side of her heart. The valves on the left side are thickened, but the right side is supposed to be smooth. We learned that this is a very rare heart defect, and it effects only a handful of infants.

Jemma went through a heart rate monitor and an ECHO cardiogram. She was calm (with the help of a bottle and pacifier), but it's not fun having all those stickers stuck to your skin. (One test had 13 stickers involved!) She was exhausted after the visit, and she collapsed on the way home.

After several hours at the specialist, it was determined that nothing was wrong. Jemma has a perfect heart! After a long three weeks, I am so extremely grateful for answered prayers. For the spirit that provides reassurance. For peace. For strength in family prayer. For Jemma and her sweet spirit.

Feeding, Lisa

Feeding my kids has always been a touchy subject. I'll be the first person to play it off and tell you it doesn't bother me, but it obviously effects me. :)

I struggled in breastfeeding both Macey and Cooper. Because of the struggle I experienced, I was determined to not even try with Jemma. Trying with Macey and Cooper emotionally effected me, and I wasn't able to do it in the end. I decided it wasn't worth the emotional struggle.

A week after Jemma was born, I was so uncomfortable, I decided to try pumping. I pumped milk, and I was shocked (and a little excited).Three weeks later, and we are still going strong! Well, we are still going. We have only supplemented formula a few times, and it has been such a blessing to not have to purchase formula yet.

The past few weeks, we have been to the doctor a few times, had Jemma in the hospital, Emergency Room twice, and a heart specialist for Jemma. I have gotten a few EOB's from our insurance company, and I know the amount of money these visits are going to cost us. It will be overwhelming for a little while.

I know that breastfeeding isn't magically going to put enough money in our pocket to pay for everything. However, I do think it's a tender mercy to not have to worry about another expense. I feel like it's the Lord's way of reminding me that he is aware of us. Even if this only lasts for a month, I know that it is a blessing!

Blessings, Lisa

It has been a whirlwind of a few weeks. I don't even know how to explain everything that has happened. I have been completely overwhelmed, but Scott has been, steadily, by my side through it all. He has also been able to exercise the priesthood he holds to give me blessings on several occasions.

One particularly difficult night, I felt overwhelmed with everything and trying to take care of everyone. In the blessing, Heavenly Father told me to not be so concerned with the welfare of Macey and Cooper. (I was seriously stressing out about not spending enough time with them individually and making sure they were properly entertained!) I was reminded that they have each other. I was told that they also have angels that assist them on a daily basis.

I am still so grateful for those words. It is hard to split time between three kids. Time is never split equally, and I feel like some or all of the kids are neglected. It has been tough (probably more on me than anyone else)! I am so thankful for the angels that are sent to make up the difference when I can not.

I told Scott that it reminded me of the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child". Maybe, in our case, it will take our entire family ancestry to raise ours!

My emotions have been close to the surface, lately. It's so easy for me to blame that on post-pregnancy hormones, and I have readily done that with all my kids. I realized, in the middle of sobbing, the other day, that my emotions have been placed like that on purpose. With a newborn baby around--with such a sensitive spirit--I think it requires a humbling of spirit, which hormones does. I feel so much more sensitive to the situations around me, and I feel like I am able to be directed as to what to do next. I am so grateful for the spirit which guides me in every decision.