Dear Jemma,
It's late. Today has been an especially hard day on me! Sometimes I wonder if I bring hard days on myself, but I guess I'll never know. Hard days make us better people, but, to be perfectly honest, I don't feel better right now. Maybe it's one of those things you have to see in the long-run. Most things happen that way.
You had a hard time going to sleep tonight. After a series of long events, at 10:00, you were staring up at me. You were laying in my arms, and I think you were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! Your big blue eyes, and your incredibly pouty lips. You didn't smile or scowl, you just looked at me--as if you could see right through me--see exactly what was going on in my mind and heart. I think babies are incredibly special and extremely close to the spirit. So, who knows? Maybe you did.
As I laid you down, wide awake, you didn't cry out--didn't even make a peep. You were just so peaceful.
Piles of dinner dishes waiting to be done, floors to be slept, toys to be picked up, one load of laundry in the washer, one in the dryer, and one still waiting to go in. There were piles of folded clean clothes that covered my bed. Sewing stuff covering my bedroom (as Santa's elf works diligently sewing princess dresses and superhero capes). Bath time messes that needed to be picked up.
But wide awake, you still let me lay you down. It's as if you knew that I needed my two hands to do everything else, and so you let me put you down.
I washed dishes and cleaned up the kitchen area, and your dad did the rest. I sneaked into your room when I was done, and I saw that perfect girl, asleep. You still looked so incredibly peaceful. I wanted to cover you with kisses and snuggle you close to my chest, but you need sleep...and so does this incredibly tired mom.
For tonight and always: thank you for teaching me understanding. Thank you for listening to my heart, even though no words were spoken. Thank you for showing me such love, because this incredibly tired-sometimes cranky mom sure needed you today.
I love you,
Mom
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Jemma's Heart, Lisa
At my 38 week appointment, I had an ultrasound done to measure the size of Jemma. They wanted to see how big she would be, and if induction was needed. She ended up only be 8 pounds 6 ounces, but I am so glad they induced me early!
The ultrasound technician didn't act like she found any problems during the ultrasound, but looking back, she spent a lot of time looking at Jemma's heart. I went to visit my physician later that week, and in the casual way that he presents things, he said, "Oh, and they found an abnormality in her heart." When further questioned, he didn't know what it was named, and he could only semi-explain what it was. I was confused, and I couldn't even research to see what it was. I left in semi-panic.
I was able to pull together my thoughts and feelings on the way home and once home, tell Scott about the appointment. (He stayed home with the kids.) At that point, I felt such incredible peace. However, we soon switched roles, and Scott was extremely worried for about 24 hours. After prayer, we both felt really at peace, and we didn't feel the need to be concerned. In blessings, I was reassured repeatedly that Jemma was healthy and to be at peace.
Just as a precaution, we were told that Jemma would need an echo cardiogram after she was born. Our hospital wasn't equipped for tiny infants, so we needed to travel north for that appointment.
Jemma was born. Her heart rate through labor was steady. As I was pushing her out, her heart rate did dip dangerously low, and so we made sure she came out rather quickly. She was born, and after the doctor and respiratory therapist looking her over, they determined she had an APGAR score of a 9 or 10. Practically perfect. (Not the typical score of someone with a heart problem.)
However, we scheduled the appointment with a pediatric cardiologist in Provo. He was going out of town with his family the week after Jemma was born. He wouldn't be in the office until she was 3 weeks old. He looked at her ultrasounds, and he didn't think we needed immediate attention. So, we waited.
Waiting bites.
Our families prayed. We prayed. Everyone in our little family prayed for Jemma's heart. We never felt worried or concerned. Both of our parents even commented to us that they didn't feel like anything was wrong. It was difficult not to know for certain, though. Perhaps I need more faith.
We went this last week to the pediatric cardiologist. We learned that they were concerned she had a thickened Trabecular Valve on the right side of her heart. The valves on the left side are thickened, but the right side is supposed to be smooth. We learned that this is a very rare heart defect, and it effects only a handful of infants.
Jemma went through a heart rate monitor and an ECHO cardiogram. She was calm (with the help of a bottle and pacifier), but it's not fun having all those stickers stuck to your skin. (One test had 13 stickers involved!) She was exhausted after the visit, and she collapsed on the way home.
After several hours at the specialist, it was determined that nothing was wrong. Jemma has a perfect heart! After a long three weeks, I am so extremely grateful for answered prayers. For the spirit that provides reassurance. For peace. For strength in family prayer. For Jemma and her sweet spirit.
The ultrasound technician didn't act like she found any problems during the ultrasound, but looking back, she spent a lot of time looking at Jemma's heart. I went to visit my physician later that week, and in the casual way that he presents things, he said, "Oh, and they found an abnormality in her heart." When further questioned, he didn't know what it was named, and he could only semi-explain what it was. I was confused, and I couldn't even research to see what it was. I left in semi-panic.
I was able to pull together my thoughts and feelings on the way home and once home, tell Scott about the appointment. (He stayed home with the kids.) At that point, I felt such incredible peace. However, we soon switched roles, and Scott was extremely worried for about 24 hours. After prayer, we both felt really at peace, and we didn't feel the need to be concerned. In blessings, I was reassured repeatedly that Jemma was healthy and to be at peace.
Just as a precaution, we were told that Jemma would need an echo cardiogram after she was born. Our hospital wasn't equipped for tiny infants, so we needed to travel north for that appointment.
Jemma was born. Her heart rate through labor was steady. As I was pushing her out, her heart rate did dip dangerously low, and so we made sure she came out rather quickly. She was born, and after the doctor and respiratory therapist looking her over, they determined she had an APGAR score of a 9 or 10. Practically perfect. (Not the typical score of someone with a heart problem.)
However, we scheduled the appointment with a pediatric cardiologist in Provo. He was going out of town with his family the week after Jemma was born. He wouldn't be in the office until she was 3 weeks old. He looked at her ultrasounds, and he didn't think we needed immediate attention. So, we waited.
Waiting bites.
Our families prayed. We prayed. Everyone in our little family prayed for Jemma's heart. We never felt worried or concerned. Both of our parents even commented to us that they didn't feel like anything was wrong. It was difficult not to know for certain, though. Perhaps I need more faith.
We went this last week to the pediatric cardiologist. We learned that they were concerned she had a thickened Trabecular Valve on the right side of her heart. The valves on the left side are thickened, but the right side is supposed to be smooth. We learned that this is a very rare heart defect, and it effects only a handful of infants.
Jemma went through a heart rate monitor and an ECHO cardiogram. She was calm (with the help of a bottle and pacifier), but it's not fun having all those stickers stuck to your skin. (One test had 13 stickers involved!) She was exhausted after the visit, and she collapsed on the way home.
After several hours at the specialist, it was determined that nothing was wrong. Jemma has a perfect heart! After a long three weeks, I am so extremely grateful for answered prayers. For the spirit that provides reassurance. For peace. For strength in family prayer. For Jemma and her sweet spirit.
Feeding, Lisa
Feeding my kids has always been a touchy subject. I'll be the first person to play it off and tell you it doesn't bother me, but it obviously effects me. :)
I struggled in breastfeeding both Macey and Cooper. Because of the struggle I experienced, I was determined to not even try with Jemma. Trying with Macey and Cooper emotionally effected me, and I wasn't able to do it in the end. I decided it wasn't worth the emotional struggle.
A week after Jemma was born, I was so uncomfortable, I decided to try pumping. I pumped milk, and I was shocked (and a little excited).Three weeks later, and we are still going strong! Well, we are still going. We have only supplemented formula a few times, and it has been such a blessing to not have to purchase formula yet.
The past few weeks, we have been to the doctor a few times, had Jemma in the hospital, Emergency Room twice, and a heart specialist for Jemma. I have gotten a few EOB's from our insurance company, and I know the amount of money these visits are going to cost us. It will be overwhelming for a little while.
I know that breastfeeding isn't magically going to put enough money in our pocket to pay for everything. However, I do think it's a tender mercy to not have to worry about another expense. I feel like it's the Lord's way of reminding me that he is aware of us. Even if this only lasts for a month, I know that it is a blessing!
I struggled in breastfeeding both Macey and Cooper. Because of the struggle I experienced, I was determined to not even try with Jemma. Trying with Macey and Cooper emotionally effected me, and I wasn't able to do it in the end. I decided it wasn't worth the emotional struggle.
A week after Jemma was born, I was so uncomfortable, I decided to try pumping. I pumped milk, and I was shocked (and a little excited).Three weeks later, and we are still going strong! Well, we are still going. We have only supplemented formula a few times, and it has been such a blessing to not have to purchase formula yet.
The past few weeks, we have been to the doctor a few times, had Jemma in the hospital, Emergency Room twice, and a heart specialist for Jemma. I have gotten a few EOB's from our insurance company, and I know the amount of money these visits are going to cost us. It will be overwhelming for a little while.
I know that breastfeeding isn't magically going to put enough money in our pocket to pay for everything. However, I do think it's a tender mercy to not have to worry about another expense. I feel like it's the Lord's way of reminding me that he is aware of us. Even if this only lasts for a month, I know that it is a blessing!
Blessings, Lisa
It has been a whirlwind of a few weeks. I don't even know how to explain everything that has happened. I have been completely overwhelmed, but Scott has been, steadily, by my side through it all. He has also been able to exercise the priesthood he holds to give me blessings on several occasions.
One particularly difficult night, I felt overwhelmed with everything and trying to take care of everyone. In the blessing, Heavenly Father told me to not be so concerned with the welfare of Macey and Cooper. (I was seriously stressing out about not spending enough time with them individually and making sure they were properly entertained!) I was reminded that they have each other. I was told that they also have angels that assist them on a daily basis.
I am still so grateful for those words. It is hard to split time between three kids. Time is never split equally, and I feel like some or all of the kids are neglected. It has been tough (probably more on me than anyone else)! I am so thankful for the angels that are sent to make up the difference when I can not.
I told Scott that it reminded me of the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child". Maybe, in our case, it will take our entire family ancestry to raise ours!
My emotions have been close to the surface, lately. It's so easy for me to blame that on post-pregnancy hormones, and I have readily done that with all my kids. I realized, in the middle of sobbing, the other day, that my emotions have been placed like that on purpose. With a newborn baby around--with such a sensitive spirit--I think it requires a humbling of spirit, which hormones does. I feel so much more sensitive to the situations around me, and I feel like I am able to be directed as to what to do next. I am so grateful for the spirit which guides me in every decision.
One particularly difficult night, I felt overwhelmed with everything and trying to take care of everyone. In the blessing, Heavenly Father told me to not be so concerned with the welfare of Macey and Cooper. (I was seriously stressing out about not spending enough time with them individually and making sure they were properly entertained!) I was reminded that they have each other. I was told that they also have angels that assist them on a daily basis.
I am still so grateful for those words. It is hard to split time between three kids. Time is never split equally, and I feel like some or all of the kids are neglected. It has been tough (probably more on me than anyone else)! I am so thankful for the angels that are sent to make up the difference when I can not.
I told Scott that it reminded me of the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child". Maybe, in our case, it will take our entire family ancestry to raise ours!
My emotions have been close to the surface, lately. It's so easy for me to blame that on post-pregnancy hormones, and I have readily done that with all my kids. I realized, in the middle of sobbing, the other day, that my emotions have been placed like that on purpose. With a newborn baby around--with such a sensitive spirit--I think it requires a humbling of spirit, which hormones does. I feel so much more sensitive to the situations around me, and I feel like I am able to be directed as to what to do next. I am so grateful for the spirit which guides me in every decision.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Area Convention, Lisa
We went to Area Convention in Nephi this year. Brother Staheli (secretary to President Hinckley and current secretary to the Quorum of the Twelve) was our guest speaker this year. Life has been absolutely crazy the past three weeks (I may be writing this a few weeks after I experienced it... :) ) but I can't shake a story he told.
Someone asked about unity amoung the brethren. They all come from different walks of life, and they were curious to see how different personalities mesh. He told this story.
He said that one meeting the brethren were having, there was a disagreement between two of the brethren. They decided that a break was needed. Brother Staheli was sitting by one of the men who was in the conflict. He said he looked down, and the man was in tears. He looked up at Brother Staheli and said, "I'm afraid I offended him."
He said he didn't know the exact way this story ended, it wasn't his business to know. But he watched as minutes later, the other man who was the other half of the conflict was kneeling in front of the other. He had his hands clutched in his, and things were resolved after that.
It touches me heart, and teaches me so much about how to unify my own family. This story has taught me about what it means to be selfless and freely forgive.
Someone asked about unity amoung the brethren. They all come from different walks of life, and they were curious to see how different personalities mesh. He told this story.
He said that one meeting the brethren were having, there was a disagreement between two of the brethren. They decided that a break was needed. Brother Staheli was sitting by one of the men who was in the conflict. He said he looked down, and the man was in tears. He looked up at Brother Staheli and said, "I'm afraid I offended him."
He said he didn't know the exact way this story ended, it wasn't his business to know. But he watched as minutes later, the other man who was the other half of the conflict was kneeling in front of the other. He had his hands clutched in his, and things were resolved after that.
It touches me heart, and teaches me so much about how to unify my own family. This story has taught me about what it means to be selfless and freely forgive.
Monday, July 28, 2014
The power of the Book of Mormon
When I was younger my father instilled in me a great love for the scriptures and more especially the Book of Mormon. So I knew that when I became a father I would want to do the same for my kids.
Just this last year we began "reading" the scriptures with Macey. It was simply looking at a picture and telling the story behind it. Nothing fancy. It seemed to be going well but I felt like Macey, in a way, lacked interest. Oh...did I mention at this point she was 2 and a half years old? Not a whole lot peaks her interest. But we just pressed on hoping that maybe she was absorbing something.
One day during my personal study I came across this article in the "True to the Faith" manual that the Church has. I read this line about scripture study:
"Do not be afraid of reading the scriptures to small children. The language of those sacred records has power to touch even the very young."
This prompted me to read the Book of Mormon out loud to Macey. So the first night we sat down and read verses out loud and the results were incredible. Macey was sucked in! She began learning and feeling and in some way we began discussing doctrines and principles with her. Her favorite stories so far (we are just starting Mosiah at this point) are Nephi getting the plates an d the story of Nephi building the boat.
Even though she is 3, she is grasping, in some degree, the doctrines of the Gospel. Here is an example:
Me: (Reading from the Book of Enos) "So Enos prayed because he felt in his heart that he needed to. Do you know you can pray whenever we thou feel like it?"
Macey: "Macey had hiccups so I say prayer and hiccups go away. They all gone!"
Me: "Do you think Jesus helped you get rid of your hiccups?"
Macey: "Yes. Jesus help. Jesus love me."
Simple? Sure. But that is the point. For Macey, the Red Sea was parted, the Lord's hand was revealed and she learned that the scriptures are true and the Christ lives and loves her.
Not only has the spiritual learning been accelerated, but her secular learning has as well. Where, at first, she showed little to no interest in reading, now you can find her in the toy room with a stack of 12 books reading them all out loud. Is she actually reading? No, but she is learning. Her behavior has improved as well and the Book of Mormon provides her with parallel stories and examples that she can recognize daily.
What a tender mercy to have the Book of Mormon in our lives, and for the Spirit to confirm its truthfulness to even a little child.
Just this last year we began "reading" the scriptures with Macey. It was simply looking at a picture and telling the story behind it. Nothing fancy. It seemed to be going well but I felt like Macey, in a way, lacked interest. Oh...did I mention at this point she was 2 and a half years old? Not a whole lot peaks her interest. But we just pressed on hoping that maybe she was absorbing something.
One day during my personal study I came across this article in the "True to the Faith" manual that the Church has. I read this line about scripture study:
"Do not be afraid of reading the scriptures to small children. The language of those sacred records has power to touch even the very young."
This prompted me to read the Book of Mormon out loud to Macey. So the first night we sat down and read verses out loud and the results were incredible. Macey was sucked in! She began learning and feeling and in some way we began discussing doctrines and principles with her. Her favorite stories so far (we are just starting Mosiah at this point) are Nephi getting the plates an d the story of Nephi building the boat.
Even though she is 3, she is grasping, in some degree, the doctrines of the Gospel. Here is an example:
Me: (Reading from the Book of Enos) "So Enos prayed because he felt in his heart that he needed to. Do you know you can pray whenever we thou feel like it?"
Macey: "Macey had hiccups so I say prayer and hiccups go away. They all gone!"
Me: "Do you think Jesus helped you get rid of your hiccups?"
Macey: "Yes. Jesus help. Jesus love me."
Simple? Sure. But that is the point. For Macey, the Red Sea was parted, the Lord's hand was revealed and she learned that the scriptures are true and the Christ lives and loves her.
Not only has the spiritual learning been accelerated, but her secular learning has as well. Where, at first, she showed little to no interest in reading, now you can find her in the toy room with a stack of 12 books reading them all out loud. Is she actually reading? No, but she is learning. Her behavior has improved as well and the Book of Mormon provides her with parallel stories and examples that she can recognize daily.
What a tender mercy to have the Book of Mormon in our lives, and for the Spirit to confirm its truthfulness to even a little child.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Book of Mormon, Lisa
Scott and I have been working really hard to implement scripture reading for our kids. We have done a couple different things that have worked, but we keep feeling like there is a better way. The other day Scott was pondering, and he felt like we should read to the kids directly from "The Book of Mormon" each night. We had been telling stories and reading picture books with stories from "The Book of Mormon", but we felt like there is a spirit associated with reading the actual book that our kids can feel.
It went REALLY well! We read for a few days, and yesterday, when Scott got home from work, Macey was pretending to put her Rapunzel doll to sleep. She told Scott that she needed to read Rapunzel "The Book of Mormon" before she went to sleep. Macey tucked Rapunzel in, grabbed herself and blanket, and Macey and Scott sat on the couch. Scott was able to read her a whole chapter without her moving.
Later on in the day, she was still repeating things that Scott read from that chapter. I am so grateful for a worthy husband who listens to the spirit. Who teaches our children so well!
It went REALLY well! We read for a few days, and yesterday, when Scott got home from work, Macey was pretending to put her Rapunzel doll to sleep. She told Scott that she needed to read Rapunzel "The Book of Mormon" before she went to sleep. Macey tucked Rapunzel in, grabbed herself and blanket, and Macey and Scott sat on the couch. Scott was able to read her a whole chapter without her moving.
Later on in the day, she was still repeating things that Scott read from that chapter. I am so grateful for a worthy husband who listens to the spirit. Who teaches our children so well!
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